Down in the dumps...

In his own way he always tries to help.
Unfortunately the distance between us has grown rather than diminish.
We've gone through so much.
But never like this.
Never this way before.
He blames me.
I blame me to an extent too.
But I know it isn't all me.
I just don't delude myself anymore.
I've lost all sense of patience I had.
Everything annoys me.
Everyone annoys me.
No one has the right words.
Including me.
Nothing seems right.
Nowhere seems peaceful.
I have no peace in my life.
I am wandering.
On and about this earth.
With nothing to hold on to.
Nothing to call my own.
Nothing to regard.
Just me.
And an emptiness.
That is so consuming.
So overwhelming.
That I can't even ask for a hand.
For a finger.
Someone to grab hold.
Cause I don't want to drag them down.
I need to be in this hollowness.
Alone.
Till I see the glimmer.
Not anyone can show it.
Not everyone can see it.
But it exists.
The glimmer of hope.
Of peace.
Of rest.
Of comfort.
The glimmer that only God can provide.
I stay in this darkness.
Wait for the day.
God pulls me out.
Towards the light.
Till that day...
In this vastness I call my heart I must remain.
Alone.
With my thoughts.
Those horrid ugly disappointing thoughts.
But I believe still...
Yes I believe.
For I know the day will come.
When I will be one with my Lord.